Denial
by risokura
Summary: I stand here before you, wondering what I should do. I want to be with you again. Suicide.


Disclaimer: I dont own FFX.

**Denial**

_Yuna_

I took a moment to get away from all the laughter and joy.

I need to think.

It was my 18th birthday and everyone was so happy, but I was not. They dont know what I feel. As the one who defeated Sin. High Summoner Yuna. Lady Yuna. Yunie. Yuna. Whoever I was, I still defeated Sin...and I had brought about a Calm.

A Calm that would last. I looked at everyone having fun. I most certainly was not. I turned to look at the stars in the sky. They were so bright...I wonder which one was my star. So much has happened to me since I became a summoner.

"Yunie?"

I turned around. Rikku was standing in the door. "...is everything okay?"

I smiled slightly. "Everything is fine, Rikku." I said as I turned toward my cousin. "I just...came out here for some fresh air, thats all."

Rikku walked up next to me. She was 16. A year had passed since Sins defeat...but Rikku was still Rikku. Still as bubbly as ever. I often imagine what I would be like if I were more like Rikku. More open about how I felt. My emotions were always pent up inside of me.

My cousin looked up at the sky and gasped. "Yunie! Yunie look!" She pointed at the sky. A shooting star was flying across the night sky. I watched the shooting star shoot through the sky, as if it was the happiest thing on Spira.

"Fecr uh y cruudehk cdyn!" said Rikku.

"Huh?" I asked looking at her.

She scratched her head. "An old saying my mom would tell me. It means _wish on a shooting star_. Its rare that you would see one...but she told me that if you do itll bring luck or something like that." Rikku stretched and then looked at me.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Fine…for the most part."

She stopped smiling. "You seem kinda down."

"…No! No, not at all Rikku. Really I'm just…just a bit tired."

"Yunie, if you ever feel you want to talk about something...you can come to me you know?" she asked me. I nodded. She smiled and then socked me in the arm as she waved to me.

If I ever needed to talk...thanks Rikku...but this is something I have to do on my own. Wish on a shooting star...?

I turned around and headed back through the massive groups of people that were here for my birthday. I didnt know a lot of them. Most of them only knew me as Lady Yuna, they didnt know the real me. They only saw the outside. They didnt know the inside...

Inside of me...it was a never ending war. I lay down on my bed that night, surrounded by darkness as I stared out at the sky ahead of me. The wind was hot this spring night. All I felt was emptiness. I miss you. Everyone knew I wasn't taking it that well...all I wanted was for you to be with me again.

Tidus...

I curled up into a ball on my bed. That memory…

"Whistle, and I'll come running ..."

I put my fingers to my mouth and blew. A faint blow of air came out of my mouth but there was sound. I got up and walked over to the balcony slowly.

I whistled again.

Nothing.

I keep whistling…but your not coming…

I sat up out of bed, throwing back the sheets and stood up. I crossed over to the balcony, opening the latch that led outside. I rested my hands on the banister and looked up at the sky. All the stars were happy and glittering so brightly. I wonder if I could ever be like that again. I was depressed. I hadn't felt like me anymore. I was someone different. I wonder...if things could ever be like they once were.

Not without you here...

You were like my air. I couldnt live without you. I cant be here without you. Try as I might, I must face this reality. I took a deep breath. It was a long way down...I wonder if...it would hurt...if I were to jump.

Of course it would hurt, Yuna.

I cant take this anymore. Either I jump or I don't. I pulled one leg over the ledge. Then the other. It was a long drop. The wind blew. My palms turned sweaty and I felt my heart quicken. If this was the only way I could be with you. I would gladly do it...

I jumped. I hit the water and felt myself sinking fast and I offered no resistance to the waves as they swallowed me in.

_Rikku_

I had been on my way to check on Yuna and tell her I was going to sleep when I saw her leapt from the banister of her balcony. I had tried to rush forward as fast as I could and grade her, but she had slipped away so fast I barely had any time to reach her.

I reached over the banister as if trying to grab her as she plummeted into the waters below. Seeing as that was no use, I threw open the doors of the balcony and ran out of the door to her room. I ran down the steps, rushed out the front door and down to the beach. I rushed into the water, looking around for my cousin. There was a body floating in the water. "Yuna!" I cried.

I rushed over to her and began to swim back to shore. Her body was limp and the color was lost from her once lively face. I began to perform CPR. "Uha...dfu...drnaa...lussuh pnaydr, Yuna!" No heartbeat...I shook my head.

I began to cry harder now. I held my cousin my arms. She was lifeless. Yuna had killed herself...why? Why didnt you just talk to me Yuna? What was it...what was it that. I looked down at my cousin's limp form. She was smiling. Was she truly happy this way? I looked down at Yuna and then at the sky. Yunie...

The next morning it was all over the news.

"Lady Yuna passed on."

"High Summoner Yuna no longer with us."

"Yuna commits suicide."

It was everywhere. Lulu and Wakka were one of the first one to know. Lulu took it harder than Wakka. She started crying hysterically and Wakka stood there comforting her. By the end of the night, shock waves of Yuna's demise was upon everyone's lips.

It was tough.

Brother kept yelling. "Yuna…Yuna not dead. Yuna alive…you find Yuna!"

Pops was silent for about a week or so. I tried to keep it together for all of us but it didnt work. Who was I fooling? The whole world was in a shock. They had lost the one person they looked up to for guidance and acceptance.

Yunies funeral was held three days after she died. She wore a long white dress and her hair was combed back from her face. She held a bouquet of roses in her hands. I was picked to deliver a speech about her. I broke down into tears half way so the priest took over. After the funeral I went to Yuna's room. It was there where I found her diary.

In it were these entries of how she missed Tidus. How she longed to see him everyday. How she thought killing herself would be the only answer. She was depressed I knew that, and she had been put on medication because of it.

I thought I was doing her good by asking her if she was okay and if she wanted to talk. I guess...I was wrong. I lay back on Yuna's bed and stared up at the ceiling above me. She was so quiet. I would've never guessed that she was secretly battling within herself.

I rolled over onto my side, diary still in hand. From there I got off the bed and stood up. Taking one last look at Yuna's room I gave a sigh, shut off the light and closed the door behind me.

Goodbye.


End file.
